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This is pretty epic.

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The tour was led by this guy who worked on the crew of the show, who led us through the back door of the Shore Store and onto the back porch. Two years ago, the Syfy network, purveyors of such cinematic classics as SharktopusDinocroc vs.

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The movie follows the wacky hijinks of a group of overtanned, oversexed somethings living together in a house in Seaside Heights. And while our gang is just trying to have fun, there are some ificant wrenches thrown into what is supposed to be a carefree summer at the Jersey Shore.

Some real estate developer wants to create a luxury country club and displace the guido population, they get into some brawls with preppy rich kids, and, worst of all, there is a school of rabid albino sharks prowling the water.

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Anyway, the whole movie is like a bad combination of Jersey Shore and Jaws. Some scenes are even almost exact replications of scenes from the latter.

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Or when the police chief desperately tries to convince the mayor to close the beach on the 4th of July. But as Jaws itself was based on real New Jersey shark attacks that occured in my hometownI guess that can be forgiven. And then there are the effects, which I refuse to call special. These supposed blood-thirsty sharks are rendered as crappy CGI fish with faces that look like the cave trolls from Lord of the Rings.

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They even make the fake shark from Jaws look real. Moreover, the characters constantly refer to the sharks having red eyes — but the effects people obviously missed this detail.

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Also consider how our gang tries to kill the sharks by throwing fireworks at them — fireworks that somehow remain lit under water in some weird SpongeBob SquarePants type of logic. No wonder the effects sucked; half the budget went to fake tanner and earrings. It sucks in that you find yourself rooting for the ugly CGI sharks to just eat the entire cast already. Unfortunately you have to wait two hours to see that they all survive. Like this review? It perfectly captured the essence of the guido lifestyle at the Jersey Shore.

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At the same time, it introduced the Armpit of America, and the rest of the country, to the eight dumbest people to ever reside in our state. It is now my pleasure to introduce these guidos and guidas or guidettes, as they call themselves on the show to anyone unfortunate enough to have missed the premiere:.

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First up, Pauly. He owns a tanning bed and gets hair gel by the case. He apparently dreams of being the ultimate guido.

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His other aspiration is to be a world-famous DJ. With her tall black hair and artificially tan skin, she looks more like a jack-o-lantern with an Elvira wig than an actual person. Now imagine someone with an incredibly dumb nickname who refers to his nickname in third person. That is Mike.

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Mike is a douche. Just like the Elvira-lantern, Sammi is looking for the perfect guido. She also describes what it means to be a guidette, like taking care of yourself by going tanning.

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Uh, Sweetheart? Training your body to develop skin cancer is taking care of yourself?

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After Vinny, we are introduced to a nice pair of breast implants and their owner, Jenni. Then she says how she has a boyfriend.

Then, we meet Ronnie, who shamelessly mentions how he just wants to get laid. Although he brags about what a man he is, this roided up freak then puts on some lip gloss. Angelina and Kim Kardashian are both talentless losers trying to sleep their way to the top of the entertainment industry! Address:.

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me up! July 4, This is pretty epic.

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It is now my pleasure to introduce these guidos and guidas or guidettes, as they call themselves on the show to anyone unfortunate enough to have missed the premiere: First up, Pauly. other followers. Recent Comments armpitnj on Top 10 Blog Posts from !

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